Love and Control

November 15, 2014


When you love someone you have no control. Love is born in giving up control to another who may hurt you in your vulnerability. Love dies when control is taken back to end the pain. Love is always a strange mix of ecstasy and agony and survives in the ability to tolerate both.

Getting Love Right


Rising Above The Consumer Christmas – Giving Your Presence

December 25, 2013

The gift of your sober and loving presence Is the best gift you can give.
Your sober and responsible PRESENCE will be remembered more than any of the PRESENTS that you give.

By Terence T. Gorski, Author
December 25, 2013

Most of us have been turned into good little consumers by our commercial culture. We are conditioned to see our self-worth in terms of the gifts we can afford to give or the value of the gifts we receive.

The giving of our love and caring – the sharing of our lives – does not seem to be of any value. The giving of ourselves seems worthless when compared to expensive gifts piled up high under the tree. We can get so depressed that we can’t afford those gifts they we withdraw and take away the truly valuable gift we have to give to another – ourselves.

It is the human commitment we share with others, especially during the hard times of life, that is the greatest gift we have to give. The size or value of the gifts we give are pale in comparison to sharing our love and just being there with those that we love.

Being clean, sober, and responsible is the gift we give to ourselves. Being present with those we love is the gift we give to the world. For those who are affected by the addiction of another the greatest gift we have is reclaiming ourselves, detaching with love, and telling our addicted loved ones the truth with love and tenderness.

I have never heard a child at the funeral of a parent say: “I wish he/she had given me better presents at Christmas.” I have heard many say: “I wish I had gotten to know them better. I wish we could have been closer and had more time together.”

Be present with those you love at Christmas. If you can give the gift of your loving presence, then you have the most precious of all gifts. Give of your time and attention. That is the greatest gift of all.

The present is a moment or period in time that lives as between past and future.

Your Presence is being available to those you love in the moment – showing up in that small slice of reality that lives between what happened and what will come.

The greatest gift we give to ourselves is being clean, sober, and responsible. The greatest gift we can give to those we love is being present as a sober and responsible human being.


This blog on being poor during the Holidays touched my heart.


Caring for the Helpless

November 29, 2013


“If no one is willing to care for the helpless what will become of humanity? This need to care should never be used to justify governments in using violent force against us if we don’t care in the governmentally approved way.” ~ Terence T. Gorski




October 14, 2013


EMPATHY is the ability to notice, sense, and understand the experiences of others. Empathy can be understood as consisting of a number steps, each related to a skill that can be learned.

1. Empathy begins with the ability to center yourself and notice what you are thinking and feeling in the moment. We tend to assume that others are thinking and feeling the way we are. It is difficult to understand that the other person may have very different thoughts and feelings than we have. It is important to step out of our own mind-set and feelings in order to communicate on a deeper and more meaningful level with others.

2. Understanding the shared social and cultural context that gives the situation meaning. It is common for people in familiar situations to take the social context for granted and forget that it could be influencing the experience of others. In other words, I may experience the context as one inviting intimate communication. The person I am with may feel that the context is inhibiting to deeper intimate communication.

3. What beliefs about yourself, the other person, and the world are you bringing into the situation. These beliefs shape what you expect to see and whether you see the other as normal or abnormal as measured by your expectations. You are bringing beliefs into the situation that can be projected onto the other person. What you are projecting upon the other person may or may not fit who the person really is.

4. To what degree can you step out of your own experience and mindset and just notice the other person –just be aware of the other person’ point of view.

5. How skilled are you at expressing to the other person, both verbally and non-verbally your genuine responses to who they are and what they are doing. Genuine expressions can be both emotionally and understood intellectual.

The level of empathy increases as you become better at being accurately aware of the here-and-now experiences of others, being aware and showing your own here-and-now experiences to others, and communicating clearly and without pre-judgment about how you are experiencing the other person.

Empathy can both make us more vulnerable because we show others who we are in both our strengths and our weaknesses. Intimacy can also make us seem more threatening because the person we are talking with feels that their strengths and weaknesses are visible to you.

The level of Intimacy us the ability to share close honest human experiences with others. It is directly related to the levels of shared intimacy.

The level of genuine trust requires high levels of shared intimacy. As a result, intimacy skills are central to building and maintaining close and trusting relationships.

Gorski Books: www.relapse.orgl

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