July 25, 2014


By Terence T. Gorski

People, regardless of gender, tend to hear what they want to hear. This tendency leads to many conflicts and a great deal of miscommunication.

Solving the problem begins with an honest self-exploration of our own willingness and ability to seek first to understand what others are saying before we seek to be understood.

Listen carefully and with your full attention. Check to make sure you have correctly understood by repeating what you heard and asking if you got it right.

Think before you speak. Be sure you have something worthwhile to say. Then say it clearly, calmly, compassionately, and with conviction.

Yelling makes you seem foolish even if you are right. People seem foolish when they are right at the top of their lungs. Breath deeply and become calm and centered when discussing important issues.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” ~ Stephen Covey

If you want other people to take you seriously, you need to make others feel that they are listened to, understood, and taken seriously. This lead them to trust you and this increases the possibility that they will listen to, understand and take you seriously. Communication that starts with active empathetic listening skills tend to build a cycle of progressive openness and trust the deepens the process of feeling connected to others in recovery.

Trust is the foundation of all honest communication. To gain the trust of others we must me trustworthy within ourselves. Trust is built slowly, step-by-step by shared progressive self-disclosure.



Caring, Commitment, and Boundaries

December 9, 2013

By Terence T. Gorski, Author
December 9, 2013

When we care and become committed to other people we connect with them in a real but not physical way. As a result we feel for them, feel with them, and have an emotional commitment to their well being. As a result, it is difficult to be objective, set boundaries, and set appropriate limits. We are vulnerable to manipulation. Only honest communication with close friends who know us well can help us to keep a realistic perspective.

The fear of telling the truth to close trusted friends about those we love is a warning sign that something is wrong.

How to set and keep healthy boundaries is explained in the book:

Getting Love Right, a five star rating at

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